Anniversary Email 64

Greetings and congratulations on completing your first/an additional term of service demarcated by a solar orbit by our planet. Certainly, your contributions have soared, just like the temperatures as of late. Some would claim that the record temperatures are the result of meteorological phenomenon. We, however, know better.

We must assume, nay, lay claim to certain knowledge that somewhere in our vast metropolis there is a group that has opened a portal to an otherworldly dimension of flame and heat. A place solely inhabited by creatures with rock like flesh who spew magma from whatever orifice they have that most closely resembles a mouth. Perhaps ringed with rows of diamond teeth for them to chew whatever their lava like saliva cannot immediately destroy. Their hands, if you can call them that, would certainly resemble some manner of pinscher, the better to grasp their prey for the inevitable showering. We can further surmise they would have a whip like tail to entangle and immobile their prey will noxious venom. Even now, we have to assume these flame beasts spill forth in great numbers, turning all they touch into cinders and ash, devouring all that resists their infernal caress.

We have no choice but to abandon this city and hope in time the portal closes, sending these creatures scurrying for home and leaving those who dawdle to await our mercy. Only then will this city rise like its namesake from the ashes, capable of being inhabited by humanity once more. Until such a time, it is best that forget this place, and seek our fortunes elsewhere. I hear the north country is nice, though not without risk of being attacked by the terrible yeti, demons of the snow, come winter time.  Wherever our pilgrimage takes us, one thing is certain: It is too late to save this wretched place.

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