Category: Insane Ramblings

Things that I realize are insane but I don’t care, I’m posting them anyway.

Scorpion Chronicles 14

Tonight’s kill count: 3. Gehenna. Ragnarok. Apocalypse. Choose a name, scorpions. Choose a name for my home. Any of these spell ruin. You continue to come. I continue to kill. My bloodlust burns in my throat. I thirst for slaughter. It cannot be slaked. Send your multitudes. Come by the dozens. Hundreds. Thousands. It matters not. I cannot ever be sated. I will butcher you. I will bring on you the end of days. I will open my mouth and from it will issue the discordant song that ends your universe. Come. COME YOU ARROGANT FOOLS. My hatred for you burns, and there is no balm to soothe this conflagration.

Scorpion Chronicles 13

Tonight’s kill count: 2. Have I been unclear, scorpions? Has my message been obfuscated? Or are you simply obtuse? I am ruin. I am the executioner. I bring you desolation. Death. It is a systematic purging. There is no chaos at work here. No random pattern of misfortune. I assure you, my every act is exceedingly deliberate. There will be no armistice. I will not shirk my duty. The patrols will continue if I find you or not. You consider yourselves hunters. I am he who hunts the hunters. If you come to this place, you shall not leave. I will not allow it.

Scorpion Chronicles 12

Tonight’s kill count: 2. You are resurgent in your numbers. Is this an attempt at a siege, or merely the result of a new generation? You have boiled forth from whatever fetid holes you have hidden yourselves away in to test yourselves against me. You have found ruin. You are unmade. I have crushed you in the most literal sense. You cannot hope for victory. You cannot even hope to be left live. There is nothing here for you, unless you are some kind of emo suicidal scorpion, in which case my home is a veritable festival of suffering. A dark carnival. In which case, step right up. I have such wonders to show you.

 

Scorpion Chronicles 11

Tonight’s kill count: 1. Did you think I had forgotten, scorpion? Did you hold the false hope my vigil had lapsed? Or were you arrogant enough to believe you could enter my lands unchecked? Yours was a fool’s errand. I greeted you with poison and stone. Your broken body was left spasming along the fence.Do you now understand the folly of your ways? There is no mercy here. This is no place for your kind. I will not bother to break your spirit. I have no illusions that you can be taught. I will give you only death. I will never stop. You have unleashed a titan. Do you feel the heat, scorpion? Do you mistake it for the lingering remains of the summer day? Simpleton. It is my wrath, and it burns brightly for you.

Silicon Valley and Efficient Problem Solving

This is in reference to the following clip, which is INCREDIBLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zYWyXwKrHg

First, any good engineer would have determined that the sorting process alone would take more time than they have available. You would be better off using the other guys to spin up multiple instances of the same two handed process. Then you don’t have to account for hand dominance, either, you can just swap them out easily. And this is entirely ignoring blowing dudes at the same time. Just really shoddy problem analysis.

Basically, this is like trying to brute force a password. Now obviously variables like password length, mixed case, alpha numeric, special characters, etc all effect the time to crack it, but all of those are outside of your control. You could find them out, but that takes time and a different skill set. You are better served focusing on what you can control: number of threads attempting the crack and/or better hardware/faster algorithm. In this case better hardware/faster algorithm would mean hiring a professional. More threads is more people. They can realistically expect a portion of the audience to be female, and of the remaining men only a percentage will be gay or bisexual. Further, if they only need a plurality to win, they don’t have to jack off everyone, but rather a subset, controlling for those who would accept the hand job but then vote for someone else anyway. I don’t always recommend just throwing hardware at a problem, but this is one of those instances (tight time frame/brute force) where it would apply, giving you time to sit back and engineer a better solution later, once the immediate need is fulfilled.

Scorpion Chronicles 8

Scorpions. I have made my lands a sepulcher for you. My house is ringed is crystals that abrade your tiny shells, weakening your bodies as my words weaken your spirit. You are nothing more to me now than a common pest. No different than any other insect. Once you had my hatred, now you have my contempt. I spit on you. Perhaps if you had any courage I might still accord you the respect due an enemy. Is this what you hoped to show me? Is this all you are capable of? Your cowardice sickens me nearly as much as the sight of your monstrous, mandibled faces. What a pity that even with all those eyes you could not see what you were unleashing.

Scorpion Chronicles 7

Tonight’s kill count: 0. I have got to level with you, scorpions. When we started this thing, you really brought your A game. I mean, stinging the middle of the bottom of my foot? Exquisite agony. And the neurotoxin side effects were really something to behold. And for a few nights you provided some pretty good sport. You brazenly crawled around my yard, heedless of the destruction I might bring. But lately your heart is just not in it. You can’t even be bothered to show up. I mean, if you want to continue your place as my nemesis you have to give me something. Scuttle at my approach. Cower if you must, but at least put in some effort. This is really just sad. I mean, real grade school level hijinks, scorpions. You better show me something else. This is just getting sad.