This was the final email I sent at my former company. I had worked there 18 years. This got me into so much trouble it was surreal and hilarious. Totally worth it. Without further ado, the end of an era:
The tolling of a great bell, slow and sonorous, I depart.
In our times, we see things that cannot be unseen, and the images are carved deep into the squirming pathways of our mental makeup, altering us in ways we never truly fathom and drawing us inexorably toward a grim conclusion. Like the wretch who grinds his fingers to nubs clawing at the walls of his cell, or the prisoner who chews her tongue off rather than speak that which is forbidden, we carry those scars with us for the rest of our days. Knowledge comes at a price. We mortgage our time and our bodies, the flesh growing ever more feeble. The bones slowly leeching away their strength and becoming pitted with holes.
So it is that my journey here has reached its conclusion. My mind and body spent. My sanity unraveled and laid bare to madness. There was never any other option. The blood is spilt. The die cast. I find myself thrashed about on the cruel winds of fate. I lashed myself to the mast for as long as I was able, but all things must end. All men fall from their glorious heights into ruin and perdition. Now at my own terminus, I look back over a landscape left barren and blasted, as though some great conflagration passed through and turned all to ash and smoke.
Fare thee well on thy travels. I shall think of you fondly in those rare moments I remain lucid and in command of my faculties. I go now to make my way outside these halls, and a screaming world awaits me with its leprous caress and sights unseen. Fresh horrors to which I shall doubtless be subjected.
Should you wish to speak, I may be contacted in the following manner, as my access to this inbox is at an end:
Email: <MY EMAIL>
Instagram: @<MY INSTA>
Ouija board: slice open your palm and smear the glass with you blood, then intone my name thrice. If I am able, I shall respond through the ether, and you may ask but three questions.
If I missed anyone, I apologize. Feel free to forward as needed.