Anniversary Email 66

Please join me in wishing <NAME> a happy 8 year anniversary with <COMPANY>!  <NAME> , for your continued dedication and hard work on <PRODUCT>, please choose from one of the following “Evening with the stars” rewards:

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson: Unfortunately, Mr. Johnson is not available, but we do have the next best thing. An actual rock. Yes, you will get to spend quality time with a big ol’ boulder. It really doesn’t matter which one. There are plenty of them around here.

Taylor Swift: We couldn’t book Taylor Swift. We couldn’t even book Taylor Hanson. We did find a local cross country runner named Taylor, and he is pretty fast, so we went with that.

The cast of Ghostbusters: Who you gonna call? Not these comediennes, apparently. They wouldn’t return any of our calls. In their place we got a bag full of angry cobras. Why a bag full of angry cobras? Good question. Next.

Ellen: It was pretty easy to find someone named Ellen. Honestly, we weren’t even trying by this point.

Charmander: Wait, no. Sorry. I’m just playing Pokémon Go. Charmander isn’t real. I guess I could like… tie a lighter to a tail of a lizard? That might work. Sure. Let’s go with that.

Blastoise: Still playing Pokémon. I can just hot glue a couple squirt guns to a turtle. That will look a lot like Blastoise.

Pikachu: I could duct tape some live electrical wires to a rat I spray painted yellow. This is easy.

Gary Busey: I’m pretty sure we can actually get Gary Busey. I don’t think he is up to much these days.

Congratulations again! Thank you for all your hard work!

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