Anniversary Email 46

Congratulations on 6 years at <COMPANY>, <NAME>! I am sure I speak for everyone when I say thank you for all your work. Thank you, and save us. As you may know, recently we decided to renovate the downstairs of the <LOCATION> office.  In our efforts to build a new, state of the art employee center, a marauding darkness was accidentally unleashed. Some great and terrible evil from before the dawn of mankind lay dormant underneath this very building, and in our desire to have a new lunch area, we have freed it from the arcane shackles that had imprisoned it there. It has boiled forth from the firmament, and has begun to corrupt us all. People report dreams of blood and terror. Haunting nightmare visions of a world aflame and a great, formless evil astride a mountain of bones from the fallen. A profane ossuary from which it orchestrates a malignant rule over the fates of us all.

Now in my case, mind you, I was already pretty far along that path. I mean, that is basically another day at the office. However, others are reporting great distress and sense of impending, inexorable doom. Again, that is what I would call Tuesday. Nothing new. The others, they cry out, “We need a champion!” <NAME> is about as close are we are going to get, linguistically, so I told them I would see what I can do. I am not really sure how you fight a virulent cloud of wicked darkness. Maybe strong desiccants? Like inscribed with ancient runes of binding, maybe? I’m just spit balling here. I’m sure you will figure something out. Good luck. We are all counting on you. I mean, I am not. I will probably be ok. I really will not notice a difference either way.

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