Anniversary Email 42

Happy Anniversary, <NAME>! In your seven years, you have probably seen a lot of change here at <COMPANY>, but it will pale in comparison to the changes coming during the Great Age of Tribulation, when the empire of the Yaaguli spill forth from the earth and unleash a new age of suffering on mankind. These arachnid creatures will quickly subdue our leaders and consume their eyes, giving them knowledge of all our leaders have ever seen. Every name and location of our military installations. Nuclear launch codes. What really happened to Crystal Pepsi.

Remember Crystal Pepsi? The Pepsi Corporation expected us to believe they just stopped making it, but that is not what really happened. Only the Yaaguli will know the truth once they are done. Perhaps they will share the truth with us, in an effort to break our spirits before sending us to toil in their massive Crystal Pepsi manufacturing facilities, where we will be forced to make the beverage, but never allowed to taste it. Or perhaps, in a more sinister vein, they were responsible for its disappearance, keeping all of the clear cola for themselves this entire time. What sort of monsters would be capable of such a feat? Think on that and shudder, for they are coming.

One thing is certain, their plans will involve Crystal Pepsi in some capacity. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. A pit that is devoid of the crisp, refreshing taste of Crystal Pepsi.