Ragnar runs these Facebook contests where they ask you how you would describe Ragnar to a friend. I’m going to have to accept that I’ll never win one of them based on my entries:
Have you ever bothered to peer past the shroud of what you consider to be reality? Have you stopped to consider that everything you know and believe could be carefully constructed artifice, designed to ensnare you in the web of the sensible and sane? There are hidden places, off the well traveled pathways. Places where where the fabric of our world wears thin and the truth bleeds through, resplendent in its terrible glory. The ancient ones sing songs that can scarce be heard unless you take the time to listen for them. Alone on a trail in the deep of the night, the sky begins to dance. Your mind strains to comprehend the nightmare unfolding before you. Things break free from the stars and crash down upon of world. In the distance you hear mad screaming, in time with the tune of the elder gods. It is then you know you are truly lost. You can never rejoin the ranks of your fellow man, for your humanity has been striped away, leaving a raw, ragged creature in its place. You keep running, for that is all that is left to you now.
Plus, you know… s’mores.
Happy Anniversary, <NAME>! In your seven years, you have probably seen a lot of change here at <COMPANY>, but it will pale in comparison to the changes coming during the Great Age of Tribulation, when the empire of the Yaaguli spill forth from the earth and unleash a new age of suffering on mankind. These arachnid creatures will quickly subdue our leaders and consume their eyes, giving them knowledge of all our leaders have ever seen. Every name and location of our military installations. Nuclear launch codes. What really happened to Crystal Pepsi.
Remember Crystal Pepsi? The Pepsi Corporation expected us to believe they just stopped making it, but that is not what really happened. Only the Yaaguli will know the truth once they are done. Perhaps they will share the truth with us, in an effort to break our spirits before sending us to toil in their massive Crystal Pepsi manufacturing facilities, where we will be forced to make the beverage, but never allowed to taste it. Or perhaps, in a more sinister vein, they were responsible for its disappearance, keeping all of the clear cola for themselves this entire time. What sort of monsters would be capable of such a feat? Think on that and shudder, for they are coming.
One thing is certain, their plans will involve Crystal Pepsi in some capacity. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. A pit that is devoid of the crisp, refreshing taste of Crystal Pepsi.