Anniversary Email 40

Congratulations, <NAME>. As you have doubtless surmised after our recent meeting with <OTHER NAME>, we are rolling forward with our plan to replace all management positions with robotic simulacrum. These new mecha managers will represent a drastic improvement over our old human based leadership system. They do not require sleep, nor take sick days, and they are experts at motivating increased productivity through the deployment of a series of powerful electrical shocks to the spinal column. It is better than a cup of coffee. One jolt and you are AWAKE, my friend.

Of course, to avoid confusion and/or conflicts between new <NAME> and what we are now referring to as “Meat <NAME>”, we will need to retire you. And by retire I mean dispose of. And by dispose of, I mean kill. And by kill I mean… Actually that is what I meant. There really is no further disambiguation possible. It was pretty clear.

Lest you worry your impending termination means you will be of no further use to the company, never fear. We have teamed up with SpaceX to perform a comprehensive study on the effect of explosive decompression on the human body. You start tomorrow.

Congratulations again! We are all very excited to meet Mecha <NAME>.

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