Anniversary Email 37

Please join me in wishing a happy 6 year anniversary to <NAME>! <NAME> is an integral part of the team, keeping watch over our provisioning flows and making sure our customers are setup quickly, reliably, and securely. Without his tireless efforts, account setup and modifications would be a process fraught with peril.

Of course, nothing can compare with the peril manifested by the grim legions of the ancient Kyardoon, skull faced master of the blood harvest. His minions are countless, the dull grey of their soul spears glinting faintly in the wan light cast by the brimstone fires of his realm, a realm of torture and madness. They stand arrayed in perfect formation, awaiting  word from their deathless master, who shall lift his head and whisper the words that shall unleash Armageddon on our world. On that day he shall ride forth from the underworld on a horse of smoke and flame, his legions close behind, to turn our works to ruin. His blood riders will cackle as they ride down those who attempt to flee, their spears slick with the blood of the fallen. The dead shall be bound into eternal service in his army. The living shall be left with nothing but tears and hot ashes, their hopes swept away in a tide of murder and chaos, their last recourse to envy the dead. Finally, at last satisfied with the toll enacted on humanity, Kyardoon shall return to his throne, lower his lidless eyes, and dream of dark days ahead as the funeral pyres flame out and ten thousand years of suffering descend on the last tattered remains of the human race.

Happy anniversary!