<NAME>, I am aware that your anniversary actually occurred back in late December. You may wonder why you were never wished a happy anniversary over email. Fortunately, the explanation is simple! You are being erased from the universe by terrible creatures that feed on human existence. Yes, these shadow monsters from the netherworld are feeding on you even now, as you read this. We call them Abyssals! You are gradually being erased from our world, and no one will remember you were ever here by the time they have finished their terrible, dark work. Surely you have already noticed when you go into a room and forget why you entered. That is them feeding, slowly erasing even your own memories of yourself. Déjà vu is merely your mind trying to reassert itself against their incessant siphoning of your very being, to recapture experiences the Abyssals are attempting to steal. Yes, the process is unstoppable and slow, much like a canyon being eroded by a river. Eventually you will be little more than a ghost, existing physically, but always at the fringes of everyone’s perception, capable of only routine tasks ingrained in muscle memory. Soon even that will fade away, and you will disappear into the background noise of the universe. The Abyssals will move on to a new host, grown fat on the mass of your memories and signs of your ever being. So happy anniversary, again! Try to enjoy it with the horrible new knowledge you have attained.
This also goes for <NAME> and <NAME>. Happy anniversaries, and sorry about the whole erosion of your very being. You are not quite as far along in the process as <NAME> is, as your anniversaries were more recent. The abyss is staring into you all, and it hungers.
The Negative Zone is a terrifying dimension of otherworldly creatures from the darkest depths of human nightmares. Beasts that are little more than ravening maws ringed in rows of lamprey fangs that exist only to seek out and consume human flesh. In a mad quest to unlock a world of limitless energy, we may have accidentally torn a hole to this dimension, and said creatures may be presently spilling forward into our world at a rate that some are describing as “apocalyptic”. I attempted to reach the lead scientist for comment, but upon knocking on his door I was answered with a single gunshot.
It appears the more our worlds interact, the larger the rend grows. In time, massive leviathans will spill out, wetly, on to our earth. Their blind eyes will stare upward at our sun as their scent glands hunt out all living creatures to shovel into the bottomless furnace of their mouths. Propelled on thousands on legs that are little more than sharpened bone spikes, we can expect to be impaled dozens of times before the torturous chewing commences.
In an effort to avoid all of that, we need someone to close the fissure. Now, unfortunately doing so will require the detonation of a device we are calling the Omega Orb. Also, more unfortunately it needs to be detonated in the Negative Zone. That is where you come in. You will accompany the Omega Orb to the Negative Zone and fire the device. That should close the fissure, trapping you there with all the alien horrors that hunger to crack your bones and suck on the sweet, sweet marrow within. Assuming, of course, the Omega Orb does not kill you outright or mutate you horribly, turning you into some kind of hideous Negative Zone Overlord capable only of feeling pain and bent on avenging yourself upon those who trapped you in a terrible realm of ceaseless torment and suffering.
We will be along shortly for your reassignment.
P.S. Apologies for the delay, I was out of the office opening a portal to the Negative Zone.