Anniversary Email 14

Happy Anniversary, <NAME>! Congratulations on the accomplishment. I have news to share of the most dire import. We have recently received astropathic message that the black ships of the Adeptus Astra Telepathica are once more approaching our world to claim their tithe of souls. The Imperium of man can only be maintained through the valiant effort of countless billions across the warzones of our many worlds. The deathless Emperor of man sits enshrined in his golden throne, ever vigilant. He powers the light of the astronomicon, our beacon in the immaterium, through sheer will and the sacrifice of innumerable psykers. As you are free from the taint of the warp or vile mutation, and given your many years of selfless service, you have been chosen to serve in his glorious Imperial Guard. You will be dispatched to battle the enemies of mankind wherever they can be found among the stars. Will you find yourself pitted against the voracious Tyranid, who hunger for all life to supply their massive hive fleets with precious biomass? Or the pernicious Eldar, vile xenos who ply the ancient webways aboard their craftworlds, searching for their maiden worlds? Perhaps the Orks, savage and vile greenskins on a rampaging Waaagh, a slaughter writ large across the stars that comes without warning? Or will it be the most dangerous enemy of all, the heretic, those who have turned away from the light of the Emperor and embraced the ancient gods of Chaos? The rampaging berserkers of Khorne, who seek blood for their lord and skulls for his grotesque throne. The pitiless hedonists of Slaanesh, whose very touch can bring indescribable agony or waves of bliss. The mysterious sorcerers of Tzeentch, who will test your very soul with blasphemous lies and even more blasphemous truths. The seething plague bearers of Nurgle, who bring rot and pestilence to any who stand against them. None can say for certain. These threats and more orbit the Eye of Terror. Take solace in knowing that whatever foe you face, the children of the Emperor, the Adeptus Astares, wage war among the stars, fighting the most desperate battles of all. Clad in power armor, adorned in purity seals, armed with bolters, ever ready to teach fear to the enemies of man. They represent the best of humanity. If they have not yet taken the field of battle, your struggle must not yet be unwinnable. If they have landed, then victory is assured. Remember the Imperial creed. Anoint and assuage the machine spirit of your las cannon. Guard your very soul, lest the Inquisition seek you out. For the Emperor!

Also, try not to stand in front of a Leman Russ Battle Tank. It makes an awful mess.

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