Anniversary Email 8

Greetings, <NAME>,

Happy 6TH anniversary, <NAME>. This is certainly an auspicious occasion. Not only your anniversary, but the imminent arrival of the thousand young of the black goat of the woods, Shub-Niggurath. While you raise a pint or two in celebration of your years of valued service, reminiscing with coworkers over your impressive body of work and the sometimes hectic nature of life at <COMPANY>, The Lord of the Wood extrudes oily black tentacles in all directions from her home in the outer darkness, seeking offerings to her vile malevolence. As you think back over your accomplishments, she thinks only of supplication, and should our meager gifts be deemed wanting, teeming hordes of her monstrous children, as black as pitch, covered in slime oozing maws that endlessly hunger, shall pour forth onto our world and rend us asunder. So please, relax and enjoy your anniversary! You have achieved many great things! And by no means should you worry even slightly about the doom that awaits us all, slavering in another dimension, unconstrained by human thought or the frailty of flesh. A doom that is writ large across the stars, and has felled countless civilizations before us.

Every end is a beginning.