Anniversary Email 5

Congratulations on reaching nine fine years at <company name>. As you may know, we are instituting mandatory cryogenic freezing of our most valued assets to ensure that <company name> can continue to function well into the future. In our specialized “sleep tubes” you will pass the years until your expertise is once more needed, or we determine technology has sufficiently advanced to the point where your knowledge is so hilariously outdated that it will be funny to wake you up and watch you struggle with the most mundane day to day tasks. Alternately, you may be awoken to participate in our conflict against an intergalactic species bent on the conquest of our planet as they descend to our surface in seemingly endless numbers, armed with Skin Flayers, their terrible razor fanged maws screaming incomprehensibly as their pitch black, soulless eyes scan the shattered remnants of our cities. These interstellar nightmares will turn us into a nutrient rich slurry to feed their ever expanding galactic fleet of Horror Titans, driven ever onward by a terrible hive brain in their battle to become to only form of life left in a galaxy turned to flames. Trapped in a deathless chrome war suit you will witness the last tattered remains of our species desperately flee into the void between the stars, one step ahead of the terrible creatures we come to know only as The Phalanx, constantly on the edge of catastrophe, never knowing if you have found safety or merely a temporary respite in their pitiless hunt to wipe us out.

Congratulations again! Our freeze team will be with you shortly.

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